I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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