this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm bleeding and have questions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
