I wish I could teleport
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
