Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
