'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my moral compass just broke
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
