I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
