he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
