honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
