omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My penis needs a shock collar
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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