i think my tv is drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
