final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love having hate sex.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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