Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
