I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
