ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
