I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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