You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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