Already got asked if we're dating
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
