I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
