Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
