If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
