She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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