he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
