I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
