I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
