Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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