I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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