You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
