Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
