just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
