If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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