dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
