A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
