Cold hands, warm shart.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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