There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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