So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
