Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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