I accidentally had phone sex last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dignity is for republicans.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
