It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
