hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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