i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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