im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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