Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
