what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
