someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
