his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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