It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
