I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
