All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
