I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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