Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
