I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i've created a new STD.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
